Come Morning
by Hibanai
Summary: Ritsuka wakes up and the world has changed, but only to Soubi and him. Becoming an adult means losing everything.


Soubi watches as Ritsuka takes his first steps of adulthood. He covertly hides the smile on his lips like a good fighter should as Ritsuka stumbles, off balance without his tail and ears and still a little sore from last night's activities, despite Soubi's care. Unlike a good fighter, he merely watches as Ritsuka clumsily falls to the floor. The boy, no, not a boy...the man looks insecure and infinitely younger and vulnerable despite having just become an adult. Innocent even, despite the fact that sweet Ritsuka has lost a part of himself that he'll never be able to get back. It's not the lack of ears and a tail that gives him this appearance, but the slump of his shoulders and watering wide eyes that are purpler than the most poisonous of butterflies.

It kills Soubi inside to stand and watch as his Beloved Loveless lover stand only to fall, but Ritsuka would only be angered if Soubi tried to help and Soubi only wants him to smile, to be happy. This is something Ritsuka must do alone. Even so, he almost breaks down when Ritsuka puts a hand on his thigh - instinctively reaching for the comfort and warmth of the fluffy security blanket of a tail that would normally be wrapped around his leg - only to jerk his hand back when he feels the rough material of jeans. He's completely still for a moment as he stares at his hand.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka whispers, never looking away from his hand.

In an instant Soubi is on the floor beside Ritsuka, cocooning him with long limbs. Unlike all the other times he has done this, no velvety fur teases his senses.

"Soubi, I can't hear your heartbeat. Why?" His voice is so small, almost lost in the echoes of morning.

Soubi pulls him closer, until Ritsuka's ear is pressed against his chest, knowing it won't help. The boy's hearing would have to adjust over the course of the next few weeks; his brain would have to rewire itself to respond to the dull sounds that his human ears would hear. Lost was his ability to hear the whispers of walls and ghosts.

"It's because you're my heart," Soubi stage whispered into his lover's ear.

Ritsuka stiffens and Soubi knows that if last night hadn't happened, furry appendages would've lowered in embarrassment. Or maybe Ritsuka was angry...then his fur would've stood on end. Soubi mourned that his Sacrifice would be harder to read now, his moods more unpredictable.

Strangely, the command of silence that Soubi has come to expect doesn't come. "Ritsuka?"

No response.

"Ritsuka?" Silence. If not for the bond that connected them, Soubi would have worried that his beloved was dead. Even so, he isn't sure if Ritsuka is okay.

"Ne, Soubi?" Ritsuka starts, almost inaudibly. Soubi strokes his hair in encouragement then feels a jolt of an indescribable...something when Ritsuka doesn't shiver as he usually does. Of course, Ritsuka is no longer as sensitive, Soubi realizes. He realizes that he feels as if he's comforting a different person than the Ritsuka from yesterday when he curls a hand to stroke Ritsuka's ear, only to remember it's lost.

Ritsuka looks up and Soubi's thoughts fade, destroyed by the beauty of his Sacrifice's eyes. "This is what you meant, isn't it? I...I was so excited but now..." he trails off, as if waiting for Soubi to finish the thought. When Soubi instead kisses him on the forehead Ritsuka continues, "Everything is different. I didn't just lose my ears and tail. I lost...a lot more. It's like that saying, 'you never know what you've got 'till it's gone.' Soubi! Don't you see? Ritsuka is gone!" His hands ball into fists, bunching the fabric of Soubi's shirt. "He's never going to come back..."

"It's okay," Soubi comforts, gently wiping away a stray tear. Suddenly, Ritsuka becomes even more frantic. "What's wrong, Ritsuka?"

"I can't hear you. Why can't I hear you?" Ritsuka cries.

Soubi feels his heart shudder and stutter, begging to break. Only the need to be strong keeps him from shedding tears too. He forces himself to speak louder despite the painful clenching in his throat, "Don't worry. You'll adjust soon. It's all part of growing up. We'll be okay."

Then, insecurity makes him ask, "Do you regret it?" The tone of his voice begs Ritsuka to say no, but Soubi knows that the boy is unable to hear such subtlety and is almost thankful for such inability. He hates himself for it.

A feeling of horizontal friction as his shirt rubs against his aching chest is all the answer he needs and, despite everything, a small hint of happiness works its way into the features of his face.

"Ritsuka?" He asks, loudly.

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"That's why it's worth it, Soubi. Because I got you."

Soubi's chest squeezes again, but in a gentler way, as Ritsuka's words flutter through him.

"Soubi? I - "

Soubi cuts the boy off with a kiss, despite how much he wants to hear the words his beloved was about to say, despite how much his own insecurity needs them. He can't let Ritsuka speak them, not until the boy is sure.

Not until the boy has seen what Soubi is unable to tell him. The gentle curving letters on his cheek, for the world to see. They're Soubi's fault. He's the one to blame. When Ritsuka sees them he'll change his mind and he'll be angry, reject Soubi for the fighter's imperfections. Just as Seimei did.

Soubi ends the kiss, pulling away by slow inches, and whispers, "Ritsuka, I love you."

His sacrifice can't hear him, but that's okay. It's the lesser of all the evils in their shattered world. Soubi clings to his lover, his sacrifice, his master, and mourns for what they've lost. A small part of him wishes for a camera so they could forever stay frozen this way - head to heart, warmth shared, and Ritsuka ignorant. So Ritsuka would always remember the time when he loved Soubi. 


End file.
